Album 2 Progress - Breathe with Me

[latmat]

Hey Guys - Here is another one for the Album. It's called Breathe with Me. It is a simple arrangement - Piano, Bass and a subtle synth nearly blending away into the reverb.

It's a more emotional and personal sort of song so I wanted to keep the focus on the voice and the lyric.

As always I look forward to hearing your thoughts. This is for the album so your guy's hyper critical ears are always appreciated...

Here is the track.

https%3A//soundcloud.com/latmat/breathe-with-me%3Fsi%3Dbf474932359949ba9984feca47ed5dcf%26utm_source%3Dclipboard%26utm_medium%3Dtext%26utm_campaign%3Dsocial_sharing

[mcarp555]

Cam - a lovely little gem. Simple, heartfelt and direct. Beautiful. I think of all the songs I've heard you do over the years, this may be my favourite.

Now here's what I don't like about it:

1. I suspect there may be too much reverb on the vocal. The sibilants at the end of some lines really hiss, and for such a tender piece, it sounds like you're singing in an empty concert hall. Maybe really dialing the 'verb back (by half or more) might make the vocal sound claustrophobic, but I'd like to hear it and see what happens.

2. I'm disappointed in the synth track; I can barely hear it at all, and this song cries out for strings. How are you at scoring for a quartet? I really seriously urge you to consider that.

3. In the second repeat of "she gives me her trust", I'd cut "she" out; it sounds jammed in. So it should be, "She gives me her trust... gives me her trust". Similar occurrences may happen elsewhere.

4. Leave the bass out until 0:35; this will help build anticipation that will be resolved when the changeup comes in.

You see that I'm making a distinction between the song and the recording; not everyone does that. Love the song, tweak the recording.

[latmat]

All these critiques are very good, thanks Mike, I am working on this and building some strings to go with it. I am feeling good about where it’s heading.. when I get finished I will post again for sure!

[latmat]

Here is a new version of Breathe with Me. I believe I addressed every critique you listed. I have to say it is a ton better. It really came to life. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Here is the link...


https%3A//soundcloud.com/latmat/6-breathe-with-me-with-strings-2

I can't thank you enough Mike for the critique and encouragement. That this might be your favourite song of mine is very confirming to me. I also feel like this song is special and really captures a vulnerability not as present in my other writing.

[mcarp555]

Beautiful. Magnificent. I could tell right away that as a piece, it could reach out and grab you; now it follows through on that promise. Sometimes it's simple things, like holding the bass back for thirty seconds - a tiny detail, but so effective. Dialing back the 'verb makes the vocal more intimate, and the strings just make the heart soar. As songwriters, we always try to capture that ever-elusive "thing". Well this is it.

I'm glad I could play a tiny role as midwife in bringing this wonderful tune to fruition. But it's all you in the end.

[latmat]

Thank you Mike, I really do appreciate your perspective and refined musicality. Tiny details make a huge difference past the demo stage. It’s small things that set great recordings from good ones. I think I now have a great one… Thank you for your comments and feedback.

[sgulley]

Beautiful and serene sound as I come in on the end of this.
Only thing I would do (very minor) is in the outro verse have no instrument just vocals to close.

Very nice work!

[latmat]

Thank you Stan! Interesting idea, I’ll give that a try and see how it goes! Thanks for listening and chiming in!

[latmat]

https%3A//soundcloud.com/latmat/6-breathe-with-me-new-ending-automation


I went ahead and tried out that ending Stan - I think this is a great way to end. I like the instrumentation ending too but there is no doubt that just the voice saying "its about us" is more intimate. Very cool.

I was inspired to try a bit of automation on the stereo output to give it just a touch more sense of dynamics and lift. I think the result was pretty outstanding. It just swells wonderfully now and is just that much more engaging.

I think this one is ready to go.

[mcarp555]

I'm kind of torn between the two endings. I don't dislike either, but don't have a strong opinion of one over the other. There are options with the a capella ending that I'd probably play with (reverb on both or just the last phrase, a pause between the two, whispering or fading out on the last one, etc.). But how nit-picky does one get? It's also okay as is. Maybe repeated listenings might sway you to consider further tweaking; maybe not.

But personally I'm much more excited by the automation, if that's what resulted in the swelling, such as when the strings came in, etc. The tracks are beautifully balanced and I think the song as a whole will no doubt provide strong emotional responses in many listeners. I could certainly feel it tugging on my heartstrings. It's a lovely little jewel Cam, and you should be proud of it.