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Post by Objecks on Jul 18, 2004 2:25:12 GMT
These are some lyrics I wrote a couple months ago. I've tried a half dozen chord progressions, tunes, and styles. This is where I ended up. Son Song (from the heart)Charlie
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Post by mattl on Jul 18, 2004 3:01:16 GMT
that was dylan you mixed in before the vocal right? SWEET PRODUCTION CHARLIE.. what is this write about the family month? must be vcacation season settin in.. i was just singing forever young tonight (kept messin up though) i like listening to this.. ill dl and listen again im sure. if id offer any criticism itd be reworking some vocal parts, loosening up , for example- i like what what you did in the LINE ABOUT THE DRIVEWAY. thats when i heard the vocal having some more "to hell with peoples impressions".. great lyrics, great gtr tone, great harp just excellent!
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Post by Objecks on Jul 18, 2004 3:51:08 GMT
... thats when i heard the vocal having some more "to hell with peoples impressions"... ;D ;D ;D In the Soundclick description I said "Obvious infuences: Bob Dylan, Simon & Garfunkel and Dan Bern." The don't care about people's impressions was the Dan Bern influence, further facilitated by an empty house this weekend! ;D Yeah, I'll probably re-do the vocal. I wasn't completely familiar with the tune (such as it is) when I recorded that part. Thanks for your comments! Glad you're enjoying it. Charlie
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Post by mcarp555 on Jul 18, 2004 10:23:59 GMT
I hate to make suggestions that would require completely re-recording the song, but here goes: The tempo is obviously comfortable and adds a lot to the Dylanesque feel, but it seems to be too fast for the delivery of the lyrics. A lot of the lines are being rushed through and literally spit out. I have to wonder how it would sound if the pace was a bit more relaxed.
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Post by mattl on Jul 18, 2004 13:07:07 GMT
i noticed that too but i like that quality myself and it even adds to the dylan feel. it also adds to the emotion charge i think.. but if you did work on that too you could only reword a few passages not haveta retake the whole vocal. the thing that bugs me is the areas of struggling to be in key.. you could almost switch to talking for sections too as an idea.. i (obviously) like that myself.. i get that idea from dylan/lou reed too (frankie lee and judas priest)
if at all possible please leave the vocal part id mentioned it works so well.. from that driveway on into the next few lines is sung so beautiful (standard disclaimer: to me)
imm goinna dl a copy now so i have mutiple versions
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Post by mattl on Jul 18, 2004 13:11:29 GMT
how far away /direction was the mic from your acoustic? 2' and where was it pointed? thanks
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Post by mattl on Jul 18, 2004 13:13:35 GMT
i dont know dan bern
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Post by mcarp555 on Jul 18, 2004 13:17:10 GMT
I don't think it adds to the emotion if the lyrics come so fast you trip on them. Then you don't have time to inject any emotion into them. I thought about suggesting rewording them, but listening to the song it seems like it would take major editing because it happens so often. Eventually you start to lose the narrative. So slowing the track down would seem to be the best solution, but of course it's Charlie's song. His decision is the final word.
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Post by mcarp555 on Jul 18, 2004 13:20:19 GMT
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holzra
Superstar
is that any way to treat an expensive musical instrument?!?!?!?!?
Posts: 879
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Post by holzra on Jul 18, 2004 15:29:04 GMT
hey charlie, as a father of a soon to be seventeen year old son . . . thanks . . .
roger
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Post by Objecks on Jul 18, 2004 17:39:44 GMT
how far away /direction was the mic from your acoustic? 2' and where was it pointed? thanks The mic was about 5" away, a couple inches on the fingerboard side of the soundhole, pointed straight at the soundhole. I put up a blanket on the wall behind the mic, because I was getting an annoying slapback echo that made it sound like I was recording from inside a shoebox. (My wife is in the process of replacing the curtains that normally hang there.) Charlie
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Post by Objecks on Jul 18, 2004 17:53:39 GMT
... A lot of the lines are being rushed through and literally spit out... Thanks for the input Mike! Could you give me some specific lines that you're talking about? I wrote one line -- "And with a jumbled up conglomeration of love, pride, and heartache" -- purposely too long to convey an overwhelming sense of too many emotions coming at me at the same time. And aren't there bonus points for using the word "conglomeration" in song lyrics? ;D Could you point to some other lines that seem rushed? Then I can judge whether I did them that way on purpose. Some lines strike me the other way around, like I was dragging them out to fill in the space required. By the way, I did slow the song down some. I used the PS5 to slow it down to 95% of the speed of my original midi tempo track! Charlie
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Post by Objecks on Jul 18, 2004 17:59:36 GMT
hey charlie, as a father of a soon to be seventeen year old son . . . thanks . . . roger
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Post by Objecks on Jul 18, 2004 18:21:54 GMT
Check out some of these lyrics: Dan Bern lyricsMy favorite - the song that first turned me on to Dan Bern - is Kid's Prayer. Unfortunately, it's only available on an out-of-print CD issued as a public radio station promo piece. Charlie
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Post by mcarp555 on Jul 18, 2004 18:37:18 GMT
I'll have to listen to it again for specific lines. I just had the feeling that overall a lot of the lyrics were kinda crowded. If you don't feel that way, maybe I was mistaking the cadence you were using for a rushed delivery.
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