sgulley
Superstar
If you really like music and recording it then never stop trying to get better at it.
Posts: 3,000
|
Post by sgulley on Jul 19, 2004 1:31:52 GMT
Hey Charlie,
Got an 18 and 15 year old myself (and both are much bigger than myself). This is an excellent family song about a father's love for his son. Lyrcis were really good and I like the tempo. In a few parts the vocals drifted a little bit from the music.
Had a really good Dylan feel to it! P.S. - lots of lyrics to sing without getting tongue-tied in a few spots.
Stan
|
|
|
Post by mattl on Jul 19, 2004 1:44:19 GMT
hey charlie heres something i noticed but since you ask..
it seems a little long: i marveled at how each new day it brought growth
would fit in the space of the verse w/fewer sylables like so:
i marvelled how each new day brought growth
but sung ever so slightly different it'd work as is too.. just one of many millions of ways to approach it.. im not sure its worth it, up to you
|
|
|
Post by Objecks on Jul 19, 2004 2:13:44 GMT
Thanks, Stan! Funny how the lyrics seemed to pour out once I started writing them! Which leads to... Mike & Matt, I've decided to do a bit of a verbal re-write, with the goal of keeping the same overall feel. In addition to cadence problems, I've noticed that I overly repeated certain words, like "gaze" and "marvel." Time to get out the ol' Thesaurus! So keep the ideas coming! Don't worry, Matt! I don't plan to change the driveway verse! Except, maybe change the word "upwards" to "upward." Stan, I'll attempt to stay on key when I re-record! Appreciate the ideas, guys! Charlie
|
|
|
Post by mcarp555 on Jul 19, 2004 7:57:51 GMT
It can be a difficult thing to subject your song to such nit-picking. After all, it's your baby, and even tho I think we all try to be critical but supportive (instead of just disparaging), it can be a worrying thing. At least we all take our turn in the hot seat from time to time. Now, about that shirt. . .
|
|
|
Post by Objecks on Jul 19, 2004 13:18:29 GMT
It can be a difficult thing to subject your song to such nit-picking... Yeah, nitpicking without a goal in mind would be a difficult thing. But if the feedback serves the purpose of improving the song, it will be worth it. These are the first serious lyrics I've written in many, many years. I've had a bad case of writer's block, where everything I wrote seemed trivial, superficial, or sounded like I was simply copying somebody else's idea. Bottom line, I appreciate all the help I can get! Charlie
|
|
|
Post by Objecks on Jul 19, 2004 13:22:28 GMT
... Now, about that shirt. . . You want an Objecks t-shirt? ;D
|
|
|
Post by Havin' Fun on Jul 19, 2004 13:43:05 GMT
Charlie, As you are aware, I've made comments off-line. It can be a difficult thing to subject your song to such nit-picking. After all, it's your baby Mike, That sacrificial mindset is part of the "joke" behind Soren and my Two Viking theme. As "Vikings", we decided at the outset that we should be willing to sacrifice our musical "children" for the sake of quality, as real Vikings were apt to do with their flesh and blood children. Welcome to the Viking Club, Charlie.
|
|
|
Post by mcarp555 on Jul 19, 2004 16:10:21 GMT
Oh, it's all part & parcel of being a musician. In a band dynamic, it's a tough thing to accept being told that while you may be a competent player, the part you're playing is not so good. It can be difficult to separate the person from the part sometimes. Hopefully no one takes my comments about a particular song as anything other than a desire to either improve the song or suggest improvements for the next one.
|
|
|
Post by Objecks on Jul 19, 2004 17:07:41 GMT
...Hopefully no one takes my comments about a particular song as anything other than a desire to either improve the song or suggest improvements for the next one. Agreed!!
|
|
|
Post by Havin' Fun on Jul 19, 2004 17:45:03 GMT
... except in Charlie's case. Just kidding.
|
|
|
Post by mattl on Jul 19, 2004 19:02:38 GMT
you're all just meanies! im LEAVING! oh wait! was it my turn to blindly criticize?? oh btw charlie: and some fine songwritin it is.. you can always tell when someones speaking from the heart and everybody's a lot better for it.
|
|
|
Post by Havin' Fun on Jul 19, 2004 19:14:30 GMT
Really?! Somebody queue "Feelings".
|
|
|
Post by Havin' Fun on Jul 19, 2004 19:17:40 GMT
Sorry, I'm feeling this intense pressure to stay at least 100 posts ahead of Roger.
|
|
|
Post by Rob on Jul 19, 2004 19:21:00 GMT
and mike is having trouble just staying 100 infront of matt!
|
|
|
Post by Havin' Fun on Jul 19, 2004 19:29:12 GMT
and mike is having trouble just staying 100 infront of matt! What-o, Rob, that's the spirit! Now that we've hopelessly hijacked Charlie's thread, what else do you guys want to talk about? Just kidding, Charles. Quoting Jonathan Winters from The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!, "Come on people, let's get organized!"
|
|